I wish I could have a mental tape recorded when I am figure modeling. I write whole article, blog post and even books in my head. However by the time I get home sometimes I have lost not only the train of thought but the whole subject about which I wanted to write.
Other times there is so much I want to say I am not sure where to begin. This is much more so with Witchy subject matter. So much has been written and said and yet so little with any real depth at a basic clean language.
Sometimes I watch vlog or read blog about "famous" Pagan authors and how wonderful they are and when I read their books I am looking for what is so wonderful about it? All of the books seem to be written with "Filler" words that say pretty and wonderful things but have NO Substance. Part of me wants to write scathing book reviews alas if I wish to be what I have set forth to become these very same authors could be my peers (some of them already are as there is quite a large writing community in St. Louis).
I have also thinking about the Law of Attraction and victimhood. I have never been one to subscribe to the "victim" personality and am becoming even less of a fan because of the Law of Attraction. I may have been hurt by others people actions but I take accountability for my actions that put me in the place to be hurt. I am no one's Victim for I am the creator of my own life. This is a really deep and heavy concept, but when you take responsibility for your actions, though hard, as can be extremely difficult, you realize that life is what you make it. So If you are unhappy with your life, then stop making it so. So Simple, yet very difficult. Like running a marathon, very simply just put one foot in front of the other, yet 26 and some change, miles later you know exactly how far you have come.
Another thing I have been thinking about is the voices in your head. If you listen closely you will be able to identify different parts of yourself and their voices. The Ego, the Id, Fear, Confidence, etc. Once you know which voice is which you can start to analyze what they are saying and why they are saying it. Once you truly understand the motivations behind these voices, behind Fear, Self Hate etc you can realize the patterns that you are in and IF they are unhealthy start to break them and IF the are healthy start understand why you do the things you do. You will start to ask yourself Why? and then you will find the answers.
Innocence and the loss of it has also been in my mind lately. Not the cliche of ones sexual innocence. Innocence, in that the world is mostly good. Innocence in the sense of a child not knowing true pain or hardship. I know that I had innocence at one time but I am not entirely sure when I lost it. I know at a very young age having a profound mistrust in Adults and deliberately telling them what I thought they wanted to hear. Knowing that I could not trust them with “whatever” truth it was at the time. I also remember trying my hardest to be invisible to adults, this being carried on to high school where the Dean of Students told my Mom that I must be a good child because he never had any interaction with me, I went to a small school less than 600 kids in the whole school. I still Mistrust and hide from Authority Figures.
These are just some of the deep thoughts that have been in my head recently. I am mulling them around and I sure I will expand on them. Making them into articles or Blog posts on their own at some point as of right now they are still percolating in my brain. What are you thoughts on these subjects?