I am going to start doing the daily life diaries again but I am making no promises for how long I will keep it up. Simply because I will never keep then if I do. However, I have several writing projects with due dates coming up and by writing out my daily life it helps grease the words for my Muse and helps me stay better organized as well. This year is for focusing on my craft and resale business and my writing. I do sorely miss performing but I feel drawn in other directions at the moment. My modeling is taking off more so now than ever and the vending business House Of Cyanide Curios is doing well. It is pleasurable interesting work. It feeds my addiction of shopping and making things while helping to  keep a roof over my head. While I miss the stage I believe it is dancing in general that I yearn for. If possible I will try to find a class I can take that may scratch my itch as it were. Part of my problem is I have massive  lIfe A.D.D. at the moment. I don’t want to commit to anything. I want to come in enjoy a class and if next week a gig or an opportunity opens up I want to be able to take it and not be committed to a rehearsal. I am also itching for the open road. I want to travel so bad I don’t care if I have to sleep on floors and live out of gas stations. That actually sounds like heaven to me right now *smiles* I want to be free and light. I am slowly selling thru my material possessions as I no longer want to be bogged down by them. The Gypsy Life is calling and I will answer it’s call. I am releasing so much stuff material and immaterial. My soul just wants to soar and it can only do that if it has nothing weighing it down.  I am leaving myself open to the universe I want to be the feather floating on its winds.

Sometimes you don’t choose your Gods they Choose You...

I should preface this with a little background information about myself. I have always been a rebel without a cause and of course become even much more so of rebel when given a cause. When everyone is turning right I must go left usually the reason is arbitrary at best. The more someone pushes me to go with the herd the more I will fight them and I do enjoy a good fight. It may simply be my Cat-ness (see Bast How I met My Mother.)

Many moons ago when I was a young gothling, a wanna be Baby Bat. I had just graduated from highschool and was living on my own and attending the local community college. As one social outcast can only find another. I soon found what was affectionately called Freaks Corner. A section of the cafeteria where all of us misfits hung out in between classes or even during classes, some of us didn’t even attend school there anymore. It was here in Freaks Corner where I graduated from a research Pagan to a practicing Pagan. Freaks Corner was my Mecca, it was everything I always fantasized about in the French Revolution cafes, where writers like Victor Hugo and Alexandre Dumas met till the wee hours of the morning drinking and debating right there in modern Suburbia. It was HERE that I met my first real Pagans people who knew about the things I was just learning about and not some faceless screen name half a world way via an internet connect but flesh and blood people. And some of the very worst kind of Pagans I could have fallen with. I learned much during my time there everything except what I was taking classes on. In between LARPing Vampire the Masquerade and playing Magic the Gathering was discussions on Nietzsche, Satanism and Anarchy. This is also where I met my first Unofficial Teacher.

I say unofficial because she refused to teach me. She had taken many a student under her wing but always refused my requests. Finally, she told me that she only teaches those who are not naturally gifted. That she was the “Special Ed” teacher. I never fully accepted this flattering refusal and figured that there was another reason she would never tell me. As one who was never easily deterred I learned much from her by simply watching and observing. In this group of people were those who dabbled in things they shouldn’t. Soon theirs eyes started to gleam with a sheen that is a characteristic often associated with movie villains. Everyone in the group started to go off their hinges a bit and the rumors ran rampant. There was talk of demon summoning and animal sacrifice none of which I was a part of nor saw. I shrugged most of it off as vicious gossip and did my best to not get involved.

My life took a turn as it does and I was pulled away from the group I would not run into any of them until years later. I had just come out of the Broom Closet to my then husband and was looking for those of like mind that I could share my beliefs with. When I ran into the old group from Freaks Corner who had graduated to taking up space in a local coffee house. Upon running into my old mentor this time I was drawn into the web like that of a fly to a spider. She had a habit of holding court and at a friend's place around the corner where she would proceed to channel and let herself be ridden by the spirits of her choice, much to the awe and amusement to those in her audience. At the time the things I experienced in that room was extremely convincing and scary. The things I took part of in my own ignorance. Looking back now I do wonder how much of it was real and how much of it was a great manipulation, an answer I shall never know.

It was during such a session that the name of Set was brought up. She had stated that someone in the group had caught his attention and that he would be watching them. At which point my eye was drawn upward and what did I see. It was like a great ripping of the fabric of reality someone one had pulled way the ceiling and was peering in. With big eyes and a cheshire grin staring right at me. Having already been thoroughly attached to Bast at this time she warmly said that no harm would come to me. He simply wanted to get to know me better.

Now understand I am NOT an Egyptian reconstructionist and never was. I did not know who Set was at the time and didn’t really know the Egyptian Pantheon. I was still searching and that was simply not a direction my quest had gone. While I am thankful for those who research and preserve the Egyptian traditions it was simply never anything that worked for me.

That moment of meeting Set was fall of 2005. 2006 was my year of Hell. Set was literally invoked into my life and he literally destroyed everything that was not needed. For those that read Tarot it was like getting the Death card and the Tower card in the same reading. I was completely stripped bare of everything that I had built up from before that time and had to completely start from scratch. I lost my home, my business, divorced my husband, became seriously ill. He was a sand storm that came into my life and ripped me down to my bones. His only response to my pleas of mercy was. I like my children strong you will survive or perish. Anything else matters not.

I have learned that Set is the Epitome of Tough Love. Sink or Swim. I do not regret that time. I learned so much in such a short time. While the learning process was painful one does not forget those lesson because the pain has etched them into your memory. And the rewards of survival the rewards of succeeding after such tribulations ARE GREAT. My reward was ROCKY.

My God comes to me at night. He whispers in my ear, “Come you must tell my side of the story”. He sit besides me on my beat up cat fur covered couch in a suit cut to fit like a glove. Dark royal blue with a soft slate gray pinstripe, a crisp white shirt underneath with the collar open at his throat. His carrot orange red hair is swept off his face as his finely woven dreadlocks fall to his waist. He smiles at me with a big toothy grin chewing on a cigar gold rings flash on his fingers. Its a cross between corporate exec with old school gangster. Just enough, thug as they say to know he doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty if he has to. “Write my story he says, Tell my side.” So I do.

As only a woman can give birth, a female figure uses her wand to greet a firecat, which is born of the fires of creation. It comes forth fully grown, ready and enterprising. Anyone lucky enough to encounter a firecat will live happily ever after.

The Ace of Wands Inverted, can indicates problems with creativity. In general, the Ace inverted shows blockage or delay. Business dealings, travel plans or projects may be suffering from lack of organization today. Be patience with yourself today, slow down. Don’t push the creative juices let them trickle in at their own speed.

The King holds the cup of knowledge in his hands. Being a practical person, he will not present it to just anyone. Knowledge is power, and it must be guarded carefully lest it fall into the wrong hands. A tiger is his companion. A totemic design of his cats is in the background.

The King of Cups Inverted, unlike the upright King, shows feeling out of control. This can manifest in destructive behavioral patterns, such as refusing to deal with disruptive issues, or acting in a way to upset a situation versus taking care of it. There is emotional vulnerability and this is shown in an immature way.

It is interesting how everyone is going crazy over the weather we are having but this weather happens every year. The phenomena that we are experiencing is the January Thaw. This happens every year from roughly the last week of Jan till Imbolc  Feb 2. Where figure out if we have 6 more weeks of winter or not. The January Thaw is important because if we have nice Springy weather on Imbolc then we'll most likely get  6 more weeks of winter. If it is cold on Imbolc then Spring will come early. I find it interesting that this happens every year but yet people are still surprised by it. We silly humans * I do not own the copyright for this photo it is used for educational purposes only*

To celebrate both Rocky and I being published in the Luck Issue of Faces of the Goddess. We are giving away an autographed copy.  I have set up a rafflecopter account for this giveaway so the winner will be chosen at random. You must like the Sugar, Rcoky's Art Page and the Faces of the Goddess page all other entries are optional and will alow yout to entered more times.

STARTS at 10pm goes till 2-14-2013

a Rafflecopter giveaway

This last year has been one of contemplation for me. I have a done a lot of Soul work and searching. In some ways I have more questions than answers, but I have found some answers to some very hard questions. I have always been a very blunt and honest individual. I repeatedly warn people to not ask my opinion because they will get it and they may not like what I have to say. I have a habit of putting people in their place and they tend to not like it very much. I try to curve this behavior because it is very troublesome but sometimes I just can't help myself. I call a spade a spade, this is why I am a Bitch. I know I am Bitch I have known this for years. I have come to terms with it.

Many times I have beat myself up over it. Asking why I didn’t just keep my mouth shut? Why couldn’t I just keep my head down? Why can’t I toe the line like everyone else? I have looked at these aspects of myself as flaws especially since I have lost many, many a friendship over it. This year I have come to terms and have embraced my Inner Bitch and Now I let my Bitch flag fly with pride.

I still warn people that this is who I am. This is an intrinsic part of my personality and if I could change it then I wouldn’t be me. Sure I would love to have diplomatic skills and a very strong verbal filter and believe me I have gotten better over the years. However as I become closer to people and began to accept them for who they are and believe they do the same for me. I lose my filter, I no longer have the edit button. Here in lies the problem some people get very upset when that happens and I am left dumbfounded because I was simply just being myself.

While I can filter it is very difficult for me, it simply is just not in my nature. It like keeping a sports car in first gear. My only solution is that I have become much more insular. It is easier for me to filter if I am doing for shorter period of times and if I am not as emotionally close to the person. I then spend the bulk of my time with people who wholly and completely accept me for me. Then I can be like a sports car driving the open road untethered and free.

What does this mean? Well if you want the kind of friend that will tell you, that yes those jeans make you look fat than I am your girl. And if you can accept this aspect about me and Love for who I truly am with my flaws proudly on display then I will be you undying loyal friend to the end of time. This is who I am, this is what I am. I cannot change this aspect of myself no more than I can change my height or my sexual orientation. Believe me I have tried.

So when someone ends their friendship with me, over me being a Bitch that tells me that they never accepted me for who I truly am. Yes, I am Bitch and my friends don’t love me despite of it. The love me because of it. When no one else will give them an honest answer they come to me, because they know I will no matter how ugly the truth may be.

I never realized until recently that other people are not like that. I knew I was different but it never occurred to me HOW different. The concept of being anything OTHER than completely and utterly honest is Foreign to me. You don’t have to be a mind reader to know what I am thinking it is plain for all the world to see. FYI I SUCK AT POKER In the reverse I can usually tell what other people are thinking. Not in the Sookie Stackhouse kind of way more like the Diana Troy kinda way.

It is damn near impossible to hide anything from me. While I realize that because of this I make people very, very uncomfortable. It forces them to deal with deep seated issues that they may not be ready to work thru. I was told that I wield the truth as weapon. True, I can and have, however the truth can only be used as a weapon against deceit. Whether this deceit is internal delusion or external illusion.

This is who I am. Buyer beware! I am a Bitch and I am proud!

So many of you know I am just not a big fan of the December Holiday Season. I am definitely a big Grinch this time of the year. I love giving gifts to my friends JUST because I don't like giving gifts because I feel obligated. However if this time of year is your thing and you really get into the season and want to get your favorite Grinch something... Here is a list of my Needs/ Wants.  These are in No Particular Order.

• Mortar and Pestle- I don't have one and never have. I would really like one to make Magical Chalk, Cascarilla, etc, etc  

    Home & Garden Sell 3 for about $12 + shipping

 This Granite one is about $25 + Shipping

• Blender, Food processor, Hand Blender Etc. I broke my last one 7 years ago and have been making everything by hand. It sucks...

  This Ninja system is between $35-45 

 This Cuisinart in in the $25-35 Range

• Anything Skulls

Like This Giant Hair Bone $16.50

 Or this jewelry Box   $17

• Alice in Wonderland/ Cheshire Cat is always a safe bet.  

  Disappearing cat Mug $10

For those who want to splurge $70 I would wear this to cons on the last day!

• Candles, Incense Etc

https://www.google.com/shopping/product/14082265653026982546?q=scented%20candles&hl=en&safe=off&psj=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.r_qf.&bpcl=39314241&biw=1024&bih=653&sa=X&ei=z5y5UJ38FoqyrQHB8oDgCQ&ved=0CMQBEPMCMAc" target="_blank" rel="nofollow"> I like candles that scents that smell like yummy desert foods (I can't have)