I have always been inspired by storms and fog. My mind takes me away to some far off place where one can get lost and transported to another realm. Where everyday is stormy and foggy and the Sun never shines. What would that place be like? Who would live there? What would happen if a young girl from our world were to travel to a place such as this?
On this February morning. I awake to the phone busing by my side. I move the cat out of my way so that I may answer it. I check the caller ID and see that it is a business call. I am still asleep and the day has already started. I have been burning the candle at both ends for far too long. I took a much needed and much stressful break. A break being stressful you ask? Yes it was one of the hardest things I have ever done.
When you work with you best friend it comes from a place of Love. When the two of you create something beautiful together. You are like parents with a New Born. Allura Fette’s and my New Born was the Thunder Kittens. Then something happens, the honey moon is over. Communication goes out the window. Egos get in the way. Trust is gone. Then something that was beautiful with a pure purpose has turned ugly.
For the last two weeks I stepped away completely. I needed to re-evaluate what I wanted with out distractions from the outside world. I had to walk away from something that I put my blood, sweat and tears into so that it may survive as a whole. I love all the girls immensely, however running the troupe is no longer in my best interest. I am Officially Resigning as the Founder of Thunder Kittens. I wish them all the very best in the future.
In Show Biz things move fast. Head spinning, roller coaster fast. One minute you are on top the next minute you are not. If you are in the business long enough you learn who your real friends are and you treasure them for all they are worth. You also need time for yourself. Time away from the spotlight. Time to ground yourself in reality to remember who you really are. So much is an illusion that after a while you forget what is real. Throughout my career I have taken several breaks from the “Spot Light.” In fact at one point I completely stepped away for about 6 months. I was prepared to stay away at the time. I had focused my attention elsewhere and though I had missed the lime light I was content to stay where I was.
“He was a hard-headed man
He was brutally handsome, and she was terminally pretty
She held him up, and he held her for ransom in the heart
of the cold, cold city
He had a nasty reputation as a cruel dude
They said he was ruthless, they said he was crude
They had one thing in common, they were
good in bed
She'd say, 'Faster, faster. The lights are turnin' red."
Life in the fast lane
Surely make you lose your mind, mm
Are you with me so far?”
Then I got a phone call from Gabriel Zolman. Subversion was that evening 3 performers backed out last minute. He needed talent, He needed me. I could not say no to him. I can’t say no when someone tells me they need me. I couldn’t then and I still can’t now. To this day I am thankful for Gabriel because if he hadn’t of called I may never have performed Burlesque again. I was still getting calls from other promoters; other producers but I had lost my sparkle. Gabriel gave me my sparkle back because I couldn’t tell him no. That was 2 1/2 years ago. Subversion’s 3 year Anniversary is this spring.
“Eager for action and hot for the game
The coming attraction, the drop of a name
They knew all the right people, they took
all the right pills
They threw outrageous parties, they paid heavenly bills
There were lines on the mirror, lines on her face
She pretended not to notice, she was caught up
in the race”
The time has come for me to take another break. I know not for how long but I do know that I shall return. I am going to take some time to focus on me. Something that I seemed to have neglected for a while. I suspended my Facebook earlier this week so I could take some time to get my thoughts together and not be bombarded with up to the minute updates. I needed to unplug completely. I needed to re- evaluate what I wanted from life. I needed solitude. I shall re activate the account soon and begin picking up some of the things where I left them. Other things shall be cut from my life. Things that are not necessary, things that need to be sacrificed, so that I may continue to grow and travel upon the path of which I have been set.
“Out every evening, until it was light
He was too tired to make it, she was too tired
to fight about it
Life in the fast lane
Surely make you lose your mind
Life in the fast lane, everything all the time
Life in the fast lane, uh huh
Blowin' and burnin', blinded by thirst
They didn't see the stop sign,
took a turn for the worse
She said, "Listen, baby. You can hear the engine
ring. We've been up and down this highway;
haven't seen a goddam thing."
He said, "Call the doctor. I think I'm gonna crash."
"The doctor say he's comin', but you gotta pay him cash."
They went rushin' down that freeway,
messed around and got lost
They didn't care they were just dyin' to get off
And it was life in the fast lane
Life in the fast lane”
Life In The Fast Lane - The Eagles
Photo Credit Charlotte Sumtimes
As I sit here with the rhythmic sound of Rocky's snores in the background. I am truly Thankful for everything in my life right now. I am living my Dream and every day when I wake and get to do it all over again. For a long time I never thought this would be possible. It was hard much harder then I expected and I had a pretty good idea for what I was in for. MY whole life has changed in the last several years. I view life differently, I view people differently. What used to be important to me is no longer and I am far happier then I have ever been.
I once looked at Sugar as a personality I put on. However she is the person I have become. I love my real name but I am not that person anymore I haven't been for a long time. When people call me by it it takes me a moment to realize that they are talking to me. That person is such a distant memory to me. No one calls me by that name any more not even Rocky. My parents are the only ones that use it.
These last couples of days have been wonderful. Thursday was the Burlesk-ies. It was a silly award ceremony that I whipped up for my two troupes and a few other people who have been working really hard and I wanted to show my appreciation to them. It was a big giant Lovefest and it made me so happy to make everyone I care about feel extra special.
Friday was Subversion I debuted a New James Bond routine complete with knife throwing and gun waving. I think someone took one of my Knives home as a souvenir. The crowd went crazy and it was a total blast to do. I also closed out the show with the rest of the Ladies of Dragon's Gaze doing Fire Eating and lighting the torches off my tongue. (Worked on it for days to get it down so it would come off smoothly)
Yesterday was The casting call for T.A.Z. 21 and various other film projects. I'm a P.A. for the film. To be honest I don't really know what I am doing. Helping out where I can keeping my eyes open absorbing everything around me like a sponge. I did a Fire routine and an acting audition. So I may be on both sides of the camera.
After wards was Carrie Meyers 40 Birthday and Goth Prom. I broke out an old school Lip Service dress that looks like an Edwardian Princess gown all Black Velvet and Purple Satin.
Today was week 2 of Sweat and Grind my Intro to Burlesque Class and Then after was Literary Nudes Steam Punk Edition. Lit Nudes sold out Shameless Grounds we had people sitting on the floor because all the tables and chairs were taken. I read the opening to "Gotham by Gaslight" a letter from Jack the Ripper to Batman then posed in my Borrowed Steam Punk Finest with Penny Dreadful's Tentacles. We had so Much fun people were telling Jokes while I was posing I kept breaking out in laughter then trying to go back into solemn face it was not working LOL.
Tomorrow is my Office day prepare my schedule for the next week return phone calls and emails. Then Dragon's Gaze Practice Starting Next Monday the radio show returns and I have figure model gigs everyday next week. I also need to make some necklaces soon and order more cards for my jewelry Line that is now being carried by the Curio Shoppe Squee! Back to work this lady got bills to pay and sparklies to make!
After reading David Wraith’s blog post about the “2011 Year of the Haters” It got me thinking...
Anytime you put yourself out there, anytime you make a name for yourself, you are going to attract haters. It comes with the territory for every 5 or so people that love you there will be 1 that just doesn’t get, or can’t stand you. You can’t please everyone. Don’t waste your time trying.
The haters though a minority, are a vocal group and are motivated to get their message of hate out there. I.E. Tea Partyers It is easy to get wrapped up in their nonsense and at worst they serve as a distraction from the bigger picture. (whatever awesome thing they are hating on)
Many people respond differently to haters. However I LOVE them! That's Right I love the Haters! WHY??!!! You ask? Well, one of the biggest pitfalls of being a performer is being a Diva. No one wants to work with a Diva. No one wants to cater to some prima donna who thinks that everything is Beneath Them. This is why I love the Haters. Ok now I got you confused.
Let me explain.
I love the haters because I will never become that prima donna. How can I be a prima donna who thinks that I am better then everyone else when I have the haters voice in the back of my head singing my faults?
The other biggest pitfall is becoming complacent in your own work. A prima donna thinks that even at her worst she is still better then everyone else. So she doesn’t work as hard and she gets lazy. (BTW I am only using female pronouns because the term prima donna comes from Ballet as the Star Ballerina. However you can be a Male prima donna *blows raspberries*)
Prima Donna -Is now often used to describe someone arrogant, vain, or just plain bitchy. Diva and prima donna have become synonymous with a show-off or a bitch, regardless of whether or not the person in question is male or female. Thank You Urban Dictionary
I love the Haters because they motivate me to worker harder, longer & smarter. Nothing will ever be good enough for them and that motivates me. I like a Fight, I like a Challenge! So tell Me I Suck and I will show you how hard I can SUCK! (Trailer Hitch anyone?)
Haters are going to hate and Success is the sweetest revenge.
Thank You haters. THANK YOU!
I sit here, with that day after morning glow on my face. This has been a wild ride. I have several updates for you that are scattered through several journals and notebooks. Rocky and I are sharing a computer again though life has become much better and easier since Allura lent me her shiny IPod Touch. The laptop is in the processes of being repaired by the RED ROBBIE so things are coming together! YAY!
Last night was The Big Strip! It was a Biggest and most successful one YET! This is the the little show that COULD! I produced my very first show at the Way Out Club. The original Garden of Hedonism. I poured my Heart and Soul in the show and a good portion of my own money. After the success of that show Bobbo approached me about doing Monthly shows. The Way Club is this great kitchy bar with different art work and crazy collectibles all over the place but it is also like burlesque museum they have memorabilia from just about every decade of burlesque..
So I told Bobbo give me till August I spent four months planing Garden and wanted to custom design something just for the Way Out. I wanted to produce a show that would perfectly fit the this geeky, nerdy oddball venue. I came up with the original version of The BIG Strip. Which get is title name from the the classic burlesque song The Big Strip.
So I set my brain to working and came up with all these silly games like Pin the Pastie and Boobie Pong, Strip Simon Says. I envisioned a game show that all entailed stripping and silliness. A relaxed show where the performers are having so much fun that the audience can’t help but have a good time. A NO pressure SHOW. A show where not only do we make fun of everything in sight but ourselves as well. I had no idea how to market this show or even how to explain how different this type of show is from every other burlesque show out there.
Then the November 2010 show was plagued by performer last minute back outs. It was one of our bigger shows audience wise and I had no Cast. I am of the theory that the show MUST go ON NO matter WHAT.
So The show Went on with JUST ME, Rocky, and Allura Fete ( My right Hand Woman.) A Three Hour Show and 3 People...yep. I do my best work under pressure. I hate it but I shine like diamond on pressure. So Set my little evil brain to work and came up with skits that three of us could do and gave Rocky the Mic. That's was when I re-envisioned the Big Strip. I put the show on hold so I could do some plotting and thinking and when we brought it back last March. I had the format the we have now. Opening Band, Skits, GAMES and Improv!
Last night I saw the vision I had for this show finally come true. I could not be more Proud! I also could not be more thankful because none of this would be happening with out the people that work WITH me. Allura Fete My right hand women, Charlotte Sumtimes My left Hand Woman, The Thunder Kittens and the Boyos for all their Hard Work. Most of All Rocky MY LOVE!
I joke about being a workaholic but I really truly am. From the moment I get up to the moment I fall asleep I am working. I am producing, modeling, dancing, crafting, teaching, counseling and writing. I am not complaining I LOVE what I do and the fact that I am making a living off of doing just that amazes me every DAY. Granted what I live off of would make most people wince hell it makes me wince most days. I am making it though threw hard work and a good support system.
Those two things hard work and a good support system is what you need in show business more than anything else including Talent. If it wasn’t for these two things and the fact that I am just plan crazy (like a Fox). I wouldn’t be able to accomplish what I am have embarked upon this weekend.
After I get home from Modeling in St Charles yesterday I receive a message. A Distress Call if you will. I in my Best Cat Women Voice Shout “I will save you”! WHAT I was always Cat Women when we played Heroes when I was a kid. I didn’t care then that she was an Anti Hero and didn’t really save anyone and I don’t Care NOW. Anyway back to my story instead of arguing the accuracy of DC Comic Fandom.
Where was I... Oh the distress call. Venue looking for performers for last minute show. HELP!!!
I am performer I love to perform. I had a cancellation and was available. I called the number.
Holy Toledo Batman!
They don’t need performers the need a Whole Frickin’ SHOW.
Somewhere from outside of my head I hear myself say “I’ll do it”.
What did I just get myself into?? Whole freaking show in THREE DAYS!
So I get on the Horn and call everyone I know in STL and Said. “ I just booked a show 3 days from now. Yes Yes I am either mental retarded or Insane probably both.... Can you do it?”
So Please, please come out to the OZ night Club on Saturday Night at 11pm cover is $5.
Charlotte and Rocky are Emceeing that should be enough to get you there! The Thunder Kittens are scrambling there tails off to get their routines together that they though they had till March to Polish. Dragon’s Gaze will be lighting up the venue. Rayna Skye will be Guest Starring.
Come Show some LOVE to the Hardest working Troupe of Performers in STL!
Sorry it is 21 and up.
I just got in a couple of hours ago from Serenity Pass. It was a lovely experience shared with some of the most lovely people. The story I am about to share with you may seem like a bad one filled with pit falls, actual falls, and chaos. The beauty of this story and why it is a good one is despite all the obstacles, set backs not only did we endure but we did so happily. None of it ruined the pleasant happy mood, none of it ruined the experience. Despite everything it was a wonderful trip. We banned together, took care of each other because we are a tribe. We are Pack!
Around 12pm, Loki came by my house to pick me up. I was running late since I had gotten in late from Subversion the night before. I was still getting dressed while Loki was loading up the car with my stuff I went thru a couple of double checks to make sure I had everything Kissed Rocky and we were off. The first snafu was communication we had six cars and close to twenty people. After about an hour and half of running around and a thousand phone calls. We are all finally gathered in one place. When one of our cars won’t start, dead battery and it won’t take a charge. So Loki and Fyebyrd take off to the nearest auto parts store and purchase a new car battery. While Lucian performs car surgery in the parking lot. Mean while I am in a cold induced daze in the back seat cough and hacking. The men drop in the battery and we are off. I think just by being around these people I will be a better person. The first group calls us just as we are taking off .... They are already there and needed the address for Serenity Pass, more frantic phone calls and smart phone usage we get the first group situated and we roll in a few hours later. An hour late and we still need to set up camp... Without any to do we roll in the men hop out and set up camp while the ladies unpack the cars and start getting into costume for the parade. Tents are up, beds will have to wait till later... After more cat wrangling and everyone scattering like roaches with the light on. We reach parade grand central and my favorite part of performing the hurry up and wait. The float in front of us was like a sixties hippie float with a full band playing popular cover songs. Every one was jittterying and the temps were dropping fast. We were nervous about lighting up early and running out of fuel we still had a second show to do after the parade. Finally the line in front of us is moving and it was the last chance to use the bathroom so Scarlett Storm and I walking towards the fast-food restaurant we hope will have clean potties discussing how we will not use the Outhouses along the road in Our Gypsy Garb = Layers of skits and pants. Apparently walking and talking are high-functioning mechanics for me because I hit a curb and go DOWN ( Like a high-school Prom Queen). So 10 mins before we start walking a 1 1/2 miles in a 2 hour parade I can no longer stand on my right foot. YEP So instead of spinning fire in my Spiffy Gypsy outfit in front of thousands of people. I am fighting back tears and doing the 1-2-3 breath for pain control. I am asked if I would be up to driving the truck since I can obviously not walk anymore. I jump at the chance to be able to do something to take my mind off the pain and still be able to contribute to the group. I don’t remember much of the parade except seeing Harper’s Cheshire grin in the rear-view mirror. The battery failure was an on going issue. The battery powered air pump would not hold enough juice to air up the mattress so we all made blanket pallets on the ground and huddle up with each other. Upon leaving another car needed to be jumped. Despite everything we all banned together and helped each other out. We all kept our spirits up and had a wonderful trip. I sit here laying in bed with my foot propped up and I tell you IT WAS A GREAT WEEKEND!
Holy cow it has been a month since I updated. I can't sleep again so here I am emptying my brain so I a may rest. LOL.
I am going to have to update backwards starting from the most recent in order to remember everything that has happened.
So Rocky and Loki got together and thru a last minute surprise birthday party for me I think it was all done in about 48hrs . So I am so thankful to all the people that could make it on such short notice to those who could not make it or did not hear of it I am sorry maybe next year.
It was last minute in part because it is very difficult to hide things from me and be sneaky. The only time Rocky gets away with it is in the morning cause when I am asleep an airplane could land on the house and I wouldn't notice.
Photo Courtesy Earth Fire Arts
This is Loki giving me my Birthday toast and had me all emotional girly like.
Photo Courtesy Earth Fire Arts
This me giving him the look of death for making me be all emotional and girly like.
Photo Courtesy of Earth Fire Arts
This is me beating the crap out of Rocky for surprising me shortly after this we both ganged up on Loki. There was also much shin kicking as well. See do something nice for me and I try to hurt you I never said I was normal. LOL
Photo Courtesy of Earth Fire Arts
I then got to play with fire!
and some more
The Harry Potter Literary Nudes went off Swimmingly
Photo Courtesy of Allen Crain
I was Bellatrix La Strange
Photo Courtesy of Allen Crain
Photos surfaced from the Alice in Wonderland edition of Lit Nudes This was my White Queen.
The last month I have just been recovering form the craziness of June. Concentrating on spending time on the things that are really important to me. Taking the time to visit with family and friends or sitting down to read a good book. I have also turned my focus inward onto my spirituality, spending time on what enriches me.
Photo Courtesy of Vincent Long
I have been running my tail off and have another 12+hr day tomorrow as well. I get Tuesday off from everything and will spend the day crashed out I am sure. Rocky has training tomorrow at his new job on top of working the Shakespeare Festival.
We went to Pagan Picnic on Saturday we were there for about an hour. Yes Rocky was walking with a cane but he is doing much better now. He hurt his foot with a combination of new shoes, standing too long and the heat.
I am now the store manager for EWB which means a lot more responsibility and hours. Which is why I wasn't at Pagan Picnic. I did the Zombie Squad charity show last night and had a blast. I broke out two brand new numbers which I was very nervous about. I will post pictures as they come in.
I have been pushing a lot of boundaries and breaking a lot of "burlesque" rules with my more recent routines. 1 Of them being that I must be pretty or at least not ugly. My zombie routine I broke that rule. I purposely made myself as ugly and as true zombish as I could. I seriously looked like a hot mess. Which definitely breaks they whole you must be sexy to do burlesque rule. To be honest as some of the pictures start to pop up on Facebook and what not, I am unsure of my decision to go ugly for art sake versus pretty for traditional sake. I look really awful in those pictures and that can be hard on the ego. Though I don't know many people that can make ugly sexy and I somehow accomplished that lol it least in the live performance.
Photo Courtesy of Scott Murphy
The Shakespeare festival has been great and I am think that "The Taming of the Shrew" may become one of my favorites. The St. Louis production is doing a fabulous job, though I think almost every night Annie Worden the actress that plays Kate steals the show. My favorite scene of course is her final monologue. Although this could be biased upon the fact the the end of play is really the only part I get to see since I work during most of it. The group that do some of the opening entertainment "Shrew in a Few" do a fabulous job as well and The Muny Kids took my breath away when they performed. There were several Belly-dance troupes including Aalim. This is the busy time of year for belly-dance almost every outdoor festival has some kind of belly-dance performance. Which makes me really miss Ami Amore's classes.
My birthday is coming up the first week of July. Not sure if I want to do anything this year though it was lovely having dinner with friends and family last year. Shakespeare ends this week and Lit Nudes Harry Potter is Sunday. SO after that I will think about what I want for my birthday you know besides sleep.